Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Haircut!

Good news! Last night during my visit with Dad he got out of his bed (with help of course) to get a haircut!! Yep, that’s right a haircut. I was able to leave work early and get there before I usually do. Most everyone is gone by the time I normally get there in the evenings (i.e. the stylist, nutritionist etc). I don’t think he’s had a cut for maybe 6 months! It was getting pretty shaggy. They even cut his eyebrows! I told him, “now we can see your pretty blue eyes”! He smiled ! He was angry with me during his haircut for convincing him to get up but I kept him busy with a chocolate pie while he was in the chair. He ate a Whopper Jr. with cheese and TWO Hershey’s chocolate pies last night! It’s becoming his habit now and looks forward to when I bring him these goodies every night. He still seems very scared of something but doesn’t know what. He asked me maybe 15 times if we were in Courtyard. He now has a sign that is under his TV stating “Mr. Pike, you are in Courtyard Care Center.” I promised him I would return tonight with his goodies and he said he looked forward to it. He was appreciative for my visit and said he couldn’t wait that long for tomorrow. Overall last night he seemed in good spirits and teared up when I left but seemed ok with the fact that I would return.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Cheeseburger?!

The last few days Dad has been a little more cooperative with the nurses. Although he is still refusing to eat or be bathed! He did request a manicure so we'll see if they followed through with that tonight.

So, yesterday Hospice called and said he had a funny request - he wanted a Cheeseburger! Well, for those of us who know Dad we all know he loves Cheeseburgers and all the comfort foods along with many sweets. However, I take this as a sign of him feeling a bit better. Who knows, it could be a result of the meds that he takes finally kicking in. For awhile he wouldn't be consistent on taking the meds so maybe it is now. He still refuses a lot but at least the yelling outbursts have subsided. When I brought the Cheeseburger over last night he ate the WHOLE THING! I was very impressed by him and happy to see he was feeling well enough to want anything. He had not eaten anything all day. The recent requests for music (which I play every night for him) are of Stan Kenton "Intermission Riff", "Send in the Clowns", "Eager Beaver", Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler "Wind Beneath My Wings", Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole, Kenny G and the song "I Am A Child of God". We play these over and over while I rub his feet.
Tonight I will bring a cheeseburger and HERSHEY'S Sundae Pie from Burger King. After all their their motto is "Have it your way!". Whatever Dad wants I try my best to give him. It's not much - just music, good food, and a foot rub. I mean really what more can we ask for? That's what makes him happy!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Dealing with Emotions

The thought of one's life as it nears the end brings out a lot of emotions in people. All of which involve memories - good and bad. Some feelings may lie so deep they are unknown to even those who own them. I honestly believe that loss is one of the most difficult challenges we all must endure at some point in our life. It is inevitable. But yet, it is the one thing we never talk about. So why is it so hard for us? Why do we run the other way when it comes to emotions. Why do we wait until we cannot wait any longer to share just how much we appreciate our loved ones. We all know it is to come but we ignore it like a plague. In the end, it is these very emotions that we continue to hold onto - again both good and bad. I am only voicing my own opinions as we may have our individual feelings on this. For quite sometime now I have only briefly thought about when and if the time were ever to come. I then pushed those thoughts aside so that I wouldn't have to experience those feelings of sadness and pain. So, now that I'm having to think about these things, it bring a great deal of emotion. Our whole life we live everyday and ignore the feelings that are overwhelm us with the problems and issues that arise. However, this is one that I cannot ignore and it has taken a toll on me and my family.

Tonight my own mother and I exchanged awful words with one another due to the stresses of this situation. She has told me she never wants to see me again (in front of her own grandchildren) and to get out of her life. I'm not quite sure what sort of deep feelings can make a person so hurtful to her own daughter. But, I can imagine she is dealing with her own unwanted emotions regarding Dad. I cannot tell you just how awful that feels on top of experiencing the emotion than I already am currently dealing with. For that reason, her wish has been granted. For those of you who would like to communicate with her directly feel free. I will no longer be that liasion as enough is enough and I have my own family now to worry about. However, I believe that just as I am not fond of all of these hurtful emotions, it is her own unwanted feelings surrounding my father that overwhelm her. She is running from emotions because she is unable to deal and in turn would rather aim her anger in someone else's direction. In any case, the hurt is unbearable and at this time I wish more than anything to have Dad's words of wisdom. I can only hope that God will hear my prayers and guide me through this time in my life.

During the visit I had tonight with Dad he told me that there was nothing more he wanted than to just hear my voice and that made him happy. Of course two seconds later he asked me to rub his feet - LOL! We listened to music of Kenny G and Stan Kenton and he ate a few bites of mashed potatoes and gravy. One feeling I cannot ignore is just how much I love Dad. I make sure to tell him many times during my visits so he is aware. If there is ever a time, now is as good as any to deal with these emotions.

A Very Difficult Subject

This is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. Dad means the world to me and I love him more than words are able to express. I can't even type without becoming emotional of the very thought of what this blog is for. I am creating this blog in order to have a place where you can not only share thoughts but also to help coordinate efforts from our whole family in order to prepare and honor our father in best way we can come when that time comes. We can track our efforts with a site I have subscribed to called Donationstracker.com so that everyone can see the progress we have made and are all on the same page. I do not have a lot of time to monitor this but it is important so I will do my best.

I am hoping we have much more time to spend with Dad so that we all can laugh and smile with him before that day comes. I am with him everyday and if there are any requests or letters, messages or photos you'd like me to bring then I will do my best to bring those to him. Please feel free to email me anytime at melaniealvarez@gmail.com.

I know that Dad is not happy and definitely not in the best shape. And for this reason I just hope that as each day passes, I pray to god that he knows and understands just how much we all love him. Just how much his life has meant to each and every one of us. In the end, we cannot ask for anything more than love from our family and friends to surround us. That is what we all want upon leaving this world behind. He thinks a lot of his family and mentions all of you often. I know that Nana, Pops, Bobbie and his dog Boss are all waiting for him with open arms when he is ready. He speaks of them often and usually sheds tears when their names are mentioned.

In brief research on plans for Dad I have realized the expenses for what is to come is almost $15,000. We will need to ship to Utah and there is currently a lot next to Bobbie in line with Nana & Pops. Larkin has run some costs with me and we can go over the minor details when it comes to specifics like colors, designs etc. If you have input please let me know. But, at a minimum no one will perform ANYTHING without $5,000 right up front. I do not have the means for this and I'm sure none of you do either. I do not even have the option of taking a loan on so large of a sum that makes it much more difficult for me to plan. If I did, I would probably consider taking that on as I feel this is important. It's a mute point since I cannot. 

Each and everyone of us are going through financial hardships right now, I know. Myself included, financial worries are one of my own largest concerns these days with two small kids and a husband I support, past credit debt, school loans and medical bills to greet me daily. I barely make ends meet and pay my rent as it is. Lord knows this will be hard on all of us. Unfortunately, Dad did not leave us anything behind in preparation for the worst. Let this be a lesson to everyone for future planning so that your loved ones are not left behind to deal with such an unpleasant subject. As difficult as this is, we must all come together now in order to prepare for the worst and not have this fall on us in the last moment. Now, hopefully there is enough time in order to do this but you all must know that I do not think there is much time to spare.

Please help out and try to set maybe an amount you can contribute weekly so that we may at least move towards our goal. Even if we start off small, we can prepare as much as we can now. This is not limited to the immediate family. Anyone is welcome to contribute (i.e. grandchildren etc). Click on one of the links on the right hand side of the blog and it should take you there. If that doesn't work you may simply copy and paste the full link below into your URL address bar:

http://www.donationstracker.com/donate.php?v=1.1&donate=3b1598dab268f6d7cd73306def06a3f6&cid=704&vid=1258&uid=305

I will keep you updated as best I can. Please forward to anyone that I may have left out as I do not have everyone's email and not everyone is on Facebook.

I love you all!
Mel